Dragged Out of the Archives: Confessions of a Romance Author NaNo Edition 2008

*This post first went live long, long ago. I find it apt just the same.* It’s been, what, a week? I have no grasp on time only word count, since I’ve last confessed. For the I-told-you-so’s in the back *Cynthia*–hush. I’m still able to write sentences.

It’s been 30, 874 words since I last confessed….

I’m thinking in scene sequence though. So guard your loins and read on. It won’t be pretty…It has a Joss Whedon ending….

*Melissa wakes up and makes tea.*

*Melissa writes more dreck and calls herself triumph when she makes morning word goal of 600 words. Only 8k more to go.*

*Melissa notices wet substance coming out of her left ear. Fear sinks it’s teeth into her gut. It has happened*

*Brain leakage!*

Scene two:

*Melissa makes it to work with a different pair of shoes on each foot, a shirt stained with more brain leakage, and a zombie like smile*

*Melissa locks office door. “Must get to THE END.” Her motivation is simple in this scene: Hopes boss doesn’t come in while she’s typing. And not to ruin keyboard with the riptide coming out of both ears now*

*Sometime during lunch, heroine takes a break. Puts cotton in her ears. By now her eyes have a zombie like glaze to them. “Must Get To THE END!!!”*

*Twitter’s word count. Doesn’t realize she’s only typed “#*$($#(!*#&$” Melina and Karen become concerned.*

Segue into next day…

Scene Three…

* Heroine wakes up. Her hair looks like something a bird lives in. Her children whisper behind their hands, “Mommy, looks strange. Let’s not fight today. She has the look.”*

*By lunch time Melissa is sobbing over keyboard “There is no end in sight. All I wanted to do was finish a book for NANO. I wanted to win. I didn’t want egg on my face this year. The YA idea was incredible. I had to write it. But WHY, OH, WHY THE HUMANITY.*

*Children are now hidden safely in the room*

*Twitters “All…most…done…must..finish…”

*With no brain left for coherent thought, heroine finishes story. Goes back to read the first chapter.*

Segue to next day…

Narrative voice sounds over novel pages: Melissa Blue was fine until she read her novel. She ran out into the streets screaming “THE HORROR!” Her writing friend *Cynthia* predicted her head explosion. Melissa Blue will be remembered for her foolhardy feat. And taught as a tale of caution for all those who NaNo.