Sunday, March 01, 2015

Let's Talk Kink

I love that title because it feels like I'm about to talk to you in a school-special kind of way. I'm not. I hope. But let's start with the bottom basics and use the Merriam-Webster's definition:

6 : unconventional sexual taste or behavior

I love this definition because it uses the word unconventional. It's not dating itself. Prior to Fifty Shades of Grey most folks wouldn't know what a flogger was. Some folks might even use a flogger now in their bedroom. Some folks still don't and that's okay, because this definition covers it. Kink is something that sexually arouses you that you probably wouldn't admit to in polite circles. That's it. That's kink.

Of course that's not the end of the post.

Why are we talking about this? Well...this is like lube before I unleash KILTED FOR PLEASURE out into the world. I didn't give you any with UNDER HIS KILT and HER INSATIABLE SCOT. I was totally remiss in that. My Under The Kilt series, at least when it deals with sex, is all about exploration and limitations, especially through the heroine's POV. Jocelyn had never experienced the kind of sex that strips you down to your most basic and primitive self. She had candles and flowers and soft music kind of sex. Keri couldn't relax enough to really, really enjoy flesh meeting flesh. She knew what she wanted but was too shy to ask for it. Victoria, the newest heroine, is savvy. (Or believes herself to be but she hasn't met a Baird yet.) She has explored. She isn't afraid to ask for what she wants. So where does that leave her on the spectrum I've set up for myself and you readers?

Let's backtrack a little bit. One of my dear writing friends sort of made it a challenge. To not spoil her book, let's just say the hero had a very interesting sexual background but he liked vanilla sex. And I said, "Wouldn't it be interesting to show the heroine that Kink, yes, with a capital K, can be arousing?" Hell, the heroine probably is kinky in her own little way. My writerly friend went Nope. Nope. Nope. And that's when my plot bunnies came out to play.

Because here's the thing, unconventional is such a vague word. Everyone would agree the missionary position is pretty basic and there's nothing kinky about it. Now let's take that the position, and place it in a roomful of people. Yes. You're doing the deed in the missionary position, but you have a roomful of people watching you. I'm sorry, that's kinky. Most folks don't invite an audience when they have sex. Most folks would probably suffer from performance anxiety and/or OMG-I'm-Naked-In-Front-Of-People. And for some people they would be incredibly aroused. They would prefer to have sex in a roomful of people.

And then you would have the sub-set of folks who would simply be aroused by the idea. Someone is watching you being pleasured (I know, a huge euphemism) and you really, really like that idea.

This particular kink has a name—exhibitionism.

That seems extreme. But this plot bunny went down a deep, dark hole and I found other things that would be considered kinks:

Role playing
Having sex in the tub or shower
Sex with a man (or woman) who has a beard
Having sex with more than one person i.e menages
Being tied up
Fellacio (If you don't know what that word means Google it.)
Nipple stimulation
Having sex with a man who is well-endowed

No. Seriously. The list goes on and on and on. BELIEVE ME. I researched it. These things can be kinks if you are unconventionally into it in a sexual way. And who exactly makes the rules of what conventional is? For some, if you require more than ten minutes of foreplay you're kinky. But these are all things you can find in an everyday romance novel. Hell, things we might like in the bedroom.

And they could very well be a kink.

Or, kink-lite as I call it in KFP. And that became the thing of this book, this heroine who is savvy and has explored—finding the roots or the foundation of what is considered conventional and making the logical kinky connection.

So, yeah, this is the fair warning. You will find clit spanking, erotic asphyxiation, exhibitionism and voyeurism in KILTED FOR PLEASURE. It's all very innocent and conventional the way it's written. And depending on who you ask, it can also be considered a kink.

What do you think a kink is?


Jennifer Leeland said...

I think kink is in the eye of the beholder. To me, it's whatever challenges me to open my mind more, to seek something different for arousal. It's interesting, since I have contact with someone who insists he's "not as vanilla as I think" but I guess he's just not kinky like I'm kinky. LOL!
Like you said, kinky for some is dabbling in anal sex or doing it doggy style. And for others, that's really a nice appetizer before the main course. LOL!!!
Great post darlin'.

Melissa Blue said...

Thank you! Yes, to some extent kink is all in the eye of the beholder. But I totally found it interesting what would be considered kinks. I knew about the extremes and a handful of fetishes, but almost everything sexual and sometimes non-sexual could be considered a kink.

Ida Louise Johnson said...

I like the comment 'in the eye of the beholder'. You are so right, almost everything sexual can be kinky. After reading "Kilted for Pleasure", I realize most of us have kinks. Some want to discover them and others don't know they exist, so go untapped. SEX=KINK!

Melissa Blue said...

Ida, some folks like to watch a person clean. It's not all just sex. lol
By Jen's comment definitely hit the nail on the head. It in the eye of the beholder.