Sunday, December 22, 2013

Guest Blog: On Cock-Blocking Cats, and Other Examples of Coitus Interruptus

Please welcome the hilarious Lucy Woodhull to my blog!
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Hello there, I’m romantic comedy author Lucy Woodhull, and I’m here to promo my latest book, THE DIMPLE STRIKES BACK (sequel to THE DIMPLE OF DOOM), as well as to talk about humping and cheeseburgers. Hopefully there’s something in that last bit that piques your interest.

Here’s a blurb about the series:
The Samantha Lytton series by Lucy Woodhull
Obviously, the solution to a failed acting career and depressing dating desert is to take up with a dimpled art thief, get chased by thugs, lie to the police and almost die.
That’s not what Samantha Lytton thought would happen when she kissed the guy who said he was an accountant at the office Christmas party. But in her defense -- it was an amazing freaking kiss. The kind of lip-lock that frustrates you in the wee hours.
Turns out, thinking with your nether regions can lead to poor decisions. Or perhaps…fantastic ones. Samantha and her burglar travel from Los Angeles to Vegas to Paris to London on adventures that bring Samantha’s wildest dreams of stardom to fruition. After spending years falling on her face, she learns to fight for herself and her heart’s desire. You can’t choose who to love, but you can try to keep his cute butt out of jail and in your bed.
No matter where in the world you go, or how many hot movie stars you kiss (um, professionally), you never forget your first criminal. Hopefully, only criminal. Although bad boys with dangerous dimples are nothing but trouble, a relationship can still work as long as the goons don't get you. And if they do, well, at least an actress is good at improvisation.
* * *
When you think about “romance novel sex,” it usually involves hearts and flowers, rippling sinews and bosoms that, well, if they don’t heave, they at least vibrate. But me, well, I like exploring the weird moments that inevitably happen during the most passionate of sexual liaisons. Here’s a scene from The Dimple Strikes Back between my heroine, Samantha, and her dimpled art thief lover, Sam. Caution: dirty passages ahead!
* * *
He took off down a corridor with purpose. “It appears you know the way to the bedroom,” I said.
He grunted and threw me on the bed. Oh, how I’d missed man-grunts since I’d seen him last. Or smelled him. There may be no single scent on Earth I prefer more than the essence of his skin, of him. Not even cheeseburgers.
Everything stopped. He straddled me and balanced himself on his arms. “Did you just moan, ‘cheeseburgers’?”
I licked my lips. “I was thinking of you favorably by comparison.”
He cocked a brow, his eyes deepest pools of brown in the fading light of the room. “I take it as a compliment, if I scored above ground beef.”
* * *
I think the things that go “wrong” during sex can be so much fun -- they lead to laughter, which just makes everything more delightful. Well, some laughter during sex can be mean, but let’s not think about that...
Do you have a precious puppy, or perhaps an adorable cat? Yeah, if you’ve ever had pets, I know that those dirty fur balls have watched you get it on. They are straight-up perverts. And they can get very put out at not being the center of attention.
Here’s a little more Sam and Samantha, with a guest appearance by the cat, Captain Taco.
* * *
These are very nice”—he leaned forward and slipped a finger into the bottom of my lace panties—“but I bet you’ll have more fun when they’re gone.”
You first.”
The dimple liked that. Sam reached into his open fly and took out his cock. The male member is not exactly pretty, no, but it is invigorating just the same. My blood pounded through every inch of me, and I could not look away. He stroked the shaft nice and slow, performing for me.
Out of sheer, charitable gratitude, I slid my undies down my legs and threw them aside. A flurry of movement and chastising “mewr”s told me I’d just thrown my underwear on the cat. Sam stopped his sensual stroking to lean back and guffaw.
Whoops.” I shrugged my shoulders and grinned.
His therapist is going to have a field day with this.”
* * *
I have a cat, and let me tell you, that giant loaf of feline is a cockblocker of the first order. If you have any tales of coitus interruptus or funny things that happened, I’d love to hear about them in the comments. And hey, if you need a funny book or two to help get you through Christmas (and Uncle Wally’s obnoxious opinions about your life choices), here are some buy links to my Dimple series. You can pretend to read work emails on your phone, but really, you’re reading some nice, cheery smut. Not that I ever do that…
Thank you so much for reading, and I wish you every blessing for a wonderful holiday and new year!
Book One: THE DIMPLE OF DOOM -- Available in print and digital from: Totally BoundAmazonAllRomance.comB&NSony / Excerpt here.
Book Two: THE DIMPLE STRIKES BACK -- Available in digital (print coming March, 2014) from: Totally BoundAmazonAllRomance.com / Excerpt here.

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